These Toilets Are Giving off a Threatening Aura and We Wish We Could Just Flush Them Away

Washroom time is supposed to be private, quiet time. It’s supposed to be “me” time. Also, a toilet is supposed to be boring and plain and functional. Some of these toilets may be functional, but if I came across one in real life, I’d definitely run the other way.

Keep reading to see some bathroom furniture that could really use a makeover. Why can’t toilets just be toilets? Why do they have to threaten me?

A Real Puzzle

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

As if going to the bathroom wasn’t intimidating enough already as it is, now you gotta add a floor of Rubik’s cube pieces that are falling apart underneath you. It’s not a very calming environment.

Whoever made this floor is obviously very talented, but maybe they could put their talents to better use by painting beautiful murals on brick walls or something. This makes me dislike both toilets and Rubik’s cube pieces.

An Enchanted Forest

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

When I first looked at this picture I thought it was just a normal tree. Then I saw the roll of toilet paper. I really hope people aren’t actually using this tree as a toilet.

It has no drainage system, the bark is probably very rough, and frankly, there’s not nearly enough privacy. I hope there aren’t any woodland creatures living in that hole— both for their sake and for whoever is going to take a chance on this toilet.

In The Dark

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

What horrible creature is living in that dark cave? Probably a more civilized horrible creature who uses a toilet. I have never even heard of a goblin using a toilet, but if I had to guess which creature would use one, I’d put all of my money on goblins.

All I know is that I don’t want to go into that dark ominous space, especially if there’s a toilet in it.

White Washroom On The Hill

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Is this a washroom precariously perched on top of a very steep flight of stairs? Does this washroom even have a door?

This is not a washroom that I’d like to walk into in the middle of the night. Imagine if it was dark and you were half asleep and you went to wash your hands but you took one wrong step and now you’re tumbling into a dark basement.

This Is A Lot

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

I’m all for a washroom with a theme, but I think this is a lot of ducks by anybody’s standards. I’m also not thrilled about the idea of urinating into a duck’s mouth. Couldn’t the toilet have been painted like a pond or something.

Do kids actually like this sort of thing? That duck toilet looks very, very afraid, and I think he should be. He’s not living his best life.

The Leaning Toilet Of Pisa

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

So, I’m pretty sure you can’t just bend porcelain. A toilet like this would just snap if someone tried to bend it. That means that the toilet was bent before the porcelain was fully set. It arrived to this washroom bent, either on purpose orby accident.

All I know is that I ever want to sit on the leaning toilet of Pisa. I’ll leave that to the more adventurous Italians.

Please No More Minions

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Minions were cute for like a second back when the first Despicable Me came out, but then Disney figured out that people thought they were cute and decided to capitalize on that cuteness.

I am not even surprised about the fact that you can purchase a Minion toilet seat cover and a Minion toilet mat. This is the tiniest washroom I’ve ever seen and it’s at least half full of Minion stuff.

I Pity The Fool That Uses This Toilet

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

This toilet looks like it is looking for a fight, and I don’t know about you, but for me, toilet time is not fighting time. Someone decided that this was a good idea. I’m not totally convinced that it’s a bad idea, but I definitely don’t think that it’s a good idea.

This toilet cover set is probably a good gift to get for somebody that made you angry recently.

Get Me Out Of Here

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

This space looks more like a torture device than a washroom. I feel like I’d have to walk sideways through this hallway to even get my body to fit.

Be careful when you’re looking to buy a house and the listing says the place has one and a half bathrooms. You never know what they could mean by half a bathroom. You think it just means there’s no shower, but sometimes, in very rare cases, it means this.

Very Punny

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Ha ha ha, someone thinks they’re being very funny. The toilet is clogged. Get it? Clogs? Wooden Danish footwear? Normally I would appreciate a pun like this, but wet shoes are the worst, even wet wooden shoes.

This dad joke of a toilet has made its point. Now can we please remove the clogs from the toilet so we can continue on with our usual business. That toilet has a job to do.

Merry Christmas

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Do you think that’s a working toilet that’s connected to plumbing, or did these people just stick their very sad looking Christmas tree into an old toilet they had lying around because It happens to be a receptacle that can hold water?

To be honest, no amount of water is going to bring that Christmas tree back from the dead. It’s too far gone. This whole thing is too far gone.

Measure Twice, Cut Once

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Just because a toilet can fit in a room, that doesn’t mean it fits in a room, you know? This toilet technically fits in this room, but it’s also in the way of the door opening and closing.

Cutting a hole in the door is one solution. It’s not the solution I would choose, but I guess it is a solution. What happens when you close the door but everyone can still see into the washroom because there’s a hole in the door?

Um, Where?

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Please do not tell me that the space that looks smaller than a closet is actually a men’s washroom. There is no way that a human person can fit through that door. Maybe there’s just a urinal on the other side of that door and people are supposed to stand outside the door while they do their business?

All I know is that I’m very confused. Going to the washroom shouldn’t be this difficult.

Somebody Help Him

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

What do you think this guy was looking for at the bottom of the toilet? A pot of gold? Buried treasure? The goldfish he lost when he was three? Maybe the toilet is a portal to another dimension. That theory seems to make the most sense because I have no idea where the top half of this guy’s body is.

There’s no way half a person can fit down a toilet. He’s either behind the tank or in another universe.

Big Brother Is Always Watching

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

This is a little bit ominous. Ok, it’s a lot ominous. How are you supposed to use the washroom in peace when there’s a security camera pointing right at you?

Can’t those pesky washroom monitors mind their own business? Does Big Brother need to spell ICUP? No. I didn’t think so. How about we turn that camera around and let people empty their bladders in private. It’s just a thing that nobody else needs to see.

That’s Disgusting

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

It looks like somebody tried to dump a full glass of lemonade down a urinal and it didn’t work out so well. Why did it have to be lemonade? This is so gross. I don’t know what those little black seeds are and I really don’t want to know what they are.

If you walk into a washroom and it looks like this, just turn around and walk right back out.

Silly Toilet, Cereal Is For Kids

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

I have very mixed feelings about this photo. Back in the day, Froot Loops was the only “sugary” cereal that my mom would let me eat. To this day, I think it’s the best fruit flavored kids’ cereal. Cocoa Pebbles is the best kids’ cereal overall, don’t fight me on this.

To see a toilet full of Froot Loops fills my heart with dread. That’s no place for delicious cereal. But also, look at all those Froot Loops…

The Real Iron Throne

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

This is the only throne that could rival the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones. People should fight wars over who gets to sit amongst all of this toilet paper. Here’s a public service announcement: this is not how toilet paper should be stored.

Half of those rolls are going to fall into the toilet, and then nobody’s going to have a good time. Put your extra toilet paper away in a closet or in the cabinet under your bathroom sink.

Musical Chairs

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

I’m not sure why anybody would need an upright piano in their bathroom. You can’t even play the piano from the toilet. If you wanted to listen to piano music while on the toilet, you’d need another person in there with you to play the piano.

I just don’t see how this is a very practical setup. The piano is taking up way too much room. This is a washroom. The toilet should be the star of the show.

Nope Nope Nope

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Is this supposed to be a funny prank? Because it’s not funny. You can’t take away a person’s toilet paper and leave them with sandpaper. That’s inhumane. I don’t care what kind of sand paper it is, I want Cottonelle or nothing. Fine, Charmin’ works too. Any brand of actual toilet paper.

No, paper towel will not do. That stuff is for cleaning surfaces, not body crevices. Treat your houseguests kindly.

This Guy Thinks He’s Funny

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Photo Credit: @threateningtoilet / Facebook
Photo Credit: @threateningtoilet / Facebook

You know, I’ve seen this pun on the internet a lot recently. Usually someone puts a leek in a sink and then shouts about there being a leak in the sink and chaos ensues. When you put a leek in a sink, you can still eat the leak after you’re done making the joke.

When you put a bunch of leeks in a urinal, you better hope that it’s a really clean urinal (spoiler: it’s not).

People In Glass Houses…

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

I know that the toilet isn’t connected to any actual plumbing, but why does it need to be in a glass phone booth? It just looks like an accident waiting to happen. Nobody needs to be on the phone and on the toilet at the same time.

Let’s keep phone time and toilet time separate, and also let’s keep toilets out of places with clear glass walls. This situation isn’t good for anybody.

Well, That’s A Statement

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Whether you like him or you hate him, you have to acknowledge that a lot of people don’t think the current U.S. president is a very nice person. A decal like this one certainly makes a statement.

I think I just don’t like him looking up at me like that. If somebody could put the lid down, that would be very much appreciated. I don’t need to see his face any more than I already do.

Um, What?

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Either some kind of deer is trying to climb out of this toilet, or somebody threw a deer’s foot into the toilet. I don’t know which option makes less sense. That fact is, there’s a deer leg in a toilet whether you like it or not.

I think we should just keep scrolling past this one. The more I think about it the less I like it. Let’s just all stop thinking about it.

Don’t Trust The Signs

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

You shouldn’t trust every sign you see. For example, the sign above this urinal says drinking water. Please never drink out of a urinal. Urinal water is not drinking water.

Do you think this is a legit sign, or a sticker some random person just put up? Either way, my advice stands. Do not drink the water. You can find good drinking water elsewhere, like in an actual drinking fountain.

He’s Staring At Me

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

This creepy little toilet man won’t stop looking into my soul. Who thought it would be a good idea to put giant googly eyes onto a toilet tank?

Some inanimate objects just never need a face put onto them. Toilets are one of those objects. Toilet paper is another. The same goes for a toilet plunger. Just anything to do with a toilet, don’t put a face on it. Save the googly eyes for cute things like toasters or tea kettles.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

Have you ever lived somewhere so cold that the water in the back of your toilet tank turned into one giant ice cube? I have and let me tell you, it’s not a fun time. I don’t know why people choose to live in places where the air hurts their skin.

This looks like a broken toilet. Do you know what that means? It means it’s time for a new toilet.

Seeing Double

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

What’s going on here? Are there mirrors involved or is this just a row of single stall washrooms separated by clear walls? If it’s the latter, I don’t feel so good about this whole situation. Mirrors would be a little bit unnerving too, but windows are even worse.

Let’s just hope that whoever is using this washroom is super body confident. Also, let’s hope these glass walls are soundproof.

A Toilet Graveyard

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

This is where toilets come to die. I’ve never seen so many abandoned toilets in one place. This looks like some kind of school gym. Maybe this school is redoing their washrooms and this is where they’re storing all the old toilets for now.

I hope we haven’t stumbled across some kind of weird toilet ritual that involves hundreds of toilets. What does happen to toilets when we throw them out?

Frosted Glass Isn’t Enough

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@threateningtoilet / Facebook
@threateningtoilet / Facebook

I know some people are ok with having frosted glass windows in their home washrooms, but this looks like it’s in a public washroom and I am not okay with it. I can fully see an outline of a person on a toilet, and there is no reason for that to ever be okay.

Let’s have solid, opaque stall doors in public washrooms, and how about we fill in those little cracks on either side of the door while we’re at it.