Show up on time, work hard, and don’t screw up too badly as to draw constant attention to your work. That’s basically the secret to being a good employee. Unfortunately, it’s harder than it seems to be able to put all three of those together.
Thankfully for some of us, bad employees are alive and well. Natural selection tends to pick them out of the workforce and give the rest of us jobs. Whether it’s laziness or just sheer stupidity, there’s certainly humor that can be found in an awful employee. Luckily for you, this list is a compilation of those entertainingly bad employees.
Making Grocery Shopping More Mysterious
Okay, but you can thank Shane for adding a little bit of excitement to people’s grocery shopping experience. Let’s be honest, it’s not fun. There’s never been a time in the history of grocery shopping where one person turned to the other and said: “I’m having an exhilarating time here, let’s come back and do this tomorrow.”
Ruining Breakfast, One Egg At A Time
You might see a dozen eggs smashed on the ground of this fast food restaurant, while others will see this as their breakfast served on the tile. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day which is why it’s essential for these eggs to be wholesome. This is absolutely a fireable offense and he should be punished accordingly.
This Could Get Lit
Flammable blammable. Who really cares? Danger? Pfft. Smoking near some flammable gas is a walk in the park for this guy. When you’ve given yourself a paper cut and then jumped into a pit of Great White Sharks — that’s dangerous. A little flame is nothing.
Mailing It In Early
If you’ve ever walk door-to-door for an entire day then you know how exhausting it can be. Most people find it hard to walk 10,000 steps in a day, but people who deliver mail get to 100,000 steps and don’t bat an eye. Give the guy a break here, for pun-sake, he’s just mailing it in early.
Lettuce Work Still
Not a good look for a restaurant to have an employee stepping on their lettuce with their work shoes. Now, we have to give him a little credit because he realizes the benefits of being a few inches taller. Girls nowadays have this tendency to only want guys who are over six feet which is an absolute atrocity for most of us. If it takes standing on lettuce to get a date, I’m all for it.
Uh, You Can’t-Do That
Throwing a cat into the microwave probably isn’t the best way to keep your job. With that being said, cats are really really awful animals. Their main purpose in their nine lives is to plot the murder of their owners in the most painful way possible. If it was up to cats, all humans would be permanently frying in microwaves anyways.
Crappily Laid Out
Whoever laid out this magazine is going to take some serious heat. There is a partial truth hidden inside this magazine anomaly. The “post-workout power move” is very much a thing. After having a long and hard workout, there’s nothing quite like a good ol’ staycation at the john to relieve your, uh, stress?
The Hustle Is Real
Yeah, you’re laughing at this now but you won’t be when he turns into the next Jay-Z. This is the type of hustle that it takes to make the big bucks. Why not get as much distribution on your product as possible? Mcdonald’s should take this and work with it. Nothing would make a kid happier than a poorly produced mixtape in their Happy Meals.
Taking Instructions Too Literal
This is what happens when you take things way too literally. This could have been a very impressive surprise party, but considering mom gets to sit around all day and had to sign for the package, my guess is that she kind of knew what to expect. I’m sure she acted surprised just so everyone didn’t feel bad.
Guy Fieri For President 2020
In today’s political climate is it THAT far-fetched to think that we won’t be seeing Guy Fieri in the White House within the next ten years? If that thought doesn’t get you excited then I don’t know what will. Everyone in the country will have mandatory catered lunches brought to their workplace.
Can We Just Taco Bout It?
As much as we all love Taco Bell, we probably don’t love it enough to eat there knowing that “Brad” is taking some serious liberties with the hard shells. The crunch wrap supremes may be the best thing to touch my mouth, but it’s not worth the risk of getting a cold sore because one of the employees needed to get their licks in.
When You’re On Vacation Mode
This was the last day before this Subway employee went on vacation and he made it very very clear. When you’re mindset is in vacation mode, you’re ready to get sun-kissed for the next week whilst drinking mimosas at the pool bar. There’s nothing that’s going to stop you from going into work shirtless.
Nothing Goes Unpainted
This is the definition of “not my problem”. Should you move the dog poo before you pain yellow lines over it? Yes. Would that take up way too much of your time and it really doesn’t matter that much? Absolutely yes. This is the most glamourous these turds will ever look, so soak it in.
Saran Wrap Fixes Everything
This was probably fixed by that weird uncle of yours that takes the easy way out of everything but claims that his way is the “best, most efficient” way to do everything. His methods include saran wrapping literally everything and putting duct tape over systemic plumbing problems. He also always says, “Voila!” every time he completes a task.
To Serve And Protect
When your job is to serve and protect the parade goers, but your natural urges tell you to get right up in there. This is the best day in this policeman’s work career because he’s able to use his other gun. Okay, too far. Very sorry. This officer looks like a good man.
“Just Let Me Finish This Game”
I don’t care what anyone says, nothing matters more than finishing that game of Solitaire. There’s nothing that you can say to this woman that will make her pay attention to you when she is on the brink of victory in one of the most frustrating games ever invented.
Some Serious Planning Problems
Who in their right mind decided that it makes sense to put the toilet paper 14,000 feet away from the toilet? No one has ever finished their business on the toilet and said, “I really wish I had to walk a mile to be able to wipe my bottom.” Whoever designed this bathroom should be fired immediately.
You’re About To Be Fir-ah-d
Ah it’s just a little bit fun playing with the signs that hang over the busy highways. There should also be a sign that says “remember, driving slower than the speed limit doesn’t make you a safer driver. GO WITH THE FLOW.” There’s nothing worse than slow drivers on the highway because they clog up the entire roadway.
Those Are Merely Suggestions
When a sign is in green it doesn’t have the UMPH that it would if there was a red sign. For whatever reason, if a sign is printed in red it takes it from being suggestive, to mandatory. There were no “walking ONLY” signs in green plastered all over the hallways of your elementary school hallways for a reason.
Right On The Face
I imagine the look on our model’s face on the right is pretty much what their sculpture is looking like right now as his work of art is going viral for all the wrong reasons. Art class is supposed to be nice and easy, but for those that take it seriously, it’s as bad as filing a tax return. I can only imagine the tears.