Sometimes things have a slow, gradual escalation while other times it just hits the fan unexpectedly. It’s like when a fight breaks out — it can either start with some verbal chat and pushing and then full blown fists, or it can just go straight to fisticuffs. The latter is much more entertaining.
Luckily, this list only shows hilarious moments in time when things took a hard turn to Crazytown. Enjoy.
So Many Questions…
She really really really wanted to make this day all about her. There are only a handful of things that could’ve gotten the bride arrested on her wedding day. She may have whipped the bouquet of flowers at one of the bridesmaids by accident and did some serious damage. Nonetheless, this wedding was crashed and for once it’s not by Vince Vaughn or Owen Wilson.
Literally Escalated Quickly
This is another wedding that literally escalated quickly. If his neck isn’t broken he’s one lucky fella. This looks like when you’re on a trampoline and two of you gang up on your buddy and “double bounce” him into orbit. Once he ricochets off the ceiling he’s going to be coming down with some force and almost certainly didn’t get caught.
This is, unfortunately, a regular death for TVs in the gaming era. On average, a Call of Duty gamer will throw an inanimate object through their TV screen once every 10 months. In this case, it was a clean penetration with a stuck finish. Sadly, all that happened was that he was the last to be killed in a simple Search and Destroy match on Nuketown.
This Is Better Than The Lottery
Name two things better than going to a vending machine and paying for one but receive the entire stock. You can’t. Why does this never happen to me though? It’s always the opposite. I will pay for one drink and it will get stuck in the mechanism and then I’ll pay again and then both the drinks I got will get stuck.
Not Exactly How She Planned The Walk To Go
When you walk home, the last thing you expect to happen is to die. I’m not a pollster but I feel like my observation holds some water. This also could just be a millennial headline in which she actually just “can’t even” with that walk. Young people throw around the phrase “I’m dying” like it’s a fidget spinner at a free market.
That’s A Bit Concerning On Many Levels
So this went from killing a pest to a full-blown murder scene in about 0.3 seconds. Why is that the third option that comes up? I know our world is in some serious political turmoil and every country seems to be on the brink of destruction but man oh man, what happened to just talk it out?
By the looks of it, Santa is getting a little bit bored with the whole ‘sitting in the middle of a mall’ thing. I don’t know who his marketing team is led by but the optics of this new location just doesn’t look good for Santy. It would have been much better suited in front of an American Eagle store or even at a Costco.
..And Boom Goes The Dynamite
I’m going to take this opportunity to educate everyone on what you can and cannot put in the microwave, so here we go. You cannot put paper bags, forks, spoons, metal in general, aluminum foil, dogs, cats, your annoying little cousin etc. The list goes on, but let this be a lesson for you so that you don’t burn your house down.
You Were Warned
I know that there’s a lot of hype about how dangerous Great White Sharks are, or how aggressive hippos are, yadda yadda, but let’s talk about the real danger. Geese have been flying under the radar for thousands of years and it’s about time we give them the spotlight they deserve. They’re far more aggressive than a hippo and more dangerous than a shark. You’ve been warned.
Zero To One Hundred Real Quick
Yes, a good dad will have no problem cutting carrots for their kid. Cooking is a feature of fatherhood that is certainly looked upon favorably. Unfortunately, (or fortunately) for the dad wielding the chainsaw at their kid, it doesn’t seem to be the smartest thing to do.
Barbara Doesn’t Mess Around
There are two types of people in this world, the ones that like to be civil and the ones that don’t. Barabara is obviously the latter of the two. Barbara is the type of woman who would pour hot coffee on your head if you got a bingo just before she won. Barbara would slew foot someone walking with a cane if it meant she got a better spot in the dry cleaning line.
Well That’s Too Real
While some might say the worst gift they ever received was that coin collector set, or a fidget spinner (yeah I said it), Kevin got real. Kevin just recently realized that no one plays Pokemon GO anymore so he no longer has anyone to connect with emotionally. He also got that coin collector set and doesn’t collect coins, so my thoughts are with him.
Cats Are Evil
If you’re a cat person I apologize in advance because you’re probably not going to like what I’m about to say. There is nothing about felines that make them a more admirable pet than a dog. They don’t cuddle with you, they look at you with piercing hate and ultimately their life goal revolves around plotting your death.
Smooth Move UPS Man
Can we talk about how many packages get stolen every day off of someone’s driveway and front walkways? At least this driver had the thought to wedge the package between the floor and the handle, which would only make stealing the package more difficult.
You Won’t Have A Good Legacy, By The Way
This swimming pool sign is basically telling you that if you dive, your entire legacy is going to be ruined. Don’t think for a second that these lifeguards are going to give the boring story that you hit your head in shallow water, oh no. They’re going to give a detailed explanation in hopes of a biopic movie to come later.
Is It Worth It?
Does anyone ever really listen to those No Parking signs? I don’t know, I just feel like they go ignored more than James Franco’s calls for help in the movie 127 Hours. But, if anyone pulled up to this sign, I can assure you there would be no one calling the space between those painted yellow lines “home”.
Okay, That’s Punny
Yes, If you thought I would go through this entire article without an actual escalation pun you’re wrong. This is the type of elevator I like though. There’s nothing worse than having to go up to the 50th floor only to have 43 stops along the way. Just get me straight to the 50th and let’s get done with this anxiety of getting stuck in this weird box.
Our House Is On FIIIIIIIRE – Alycia Keys
Hmm, this could potentially be the worst text you could receive as a parent. This is probably what happened — their son threw a massive party Project X style and the house caught fire because someone forgot they threw a frozen pizza in the oven. The son is going to say, however, that he came home and it was already on fire.
Our Yachts Are On FIIIIIRE – Alycia Keys
Never had Alycia Keys lyrics spoken to me with such relevance. This doesn’t pain me as much as seeing a house on fire, but it still does hurt. These fires could probably be put out by the tears of the rich CEO who owns the boats. On a side note, this kind of looks like it’s from the video game Grand Theft Auto, but it could just be me.
You’re So Last Year
If you’re going to break up with your boyfriend you might as well do it in a creative fashion. That way, when he gets dumped he will still have mad respect for the fact that you took the time to plan out exactly how you were going to break his heart. This is one of the more savage ways no doubt.