Brutally Honest Husbands Who Will Be Apologizing Later
Husbands, like it or not, are the funniest in the family (depending on who you ask). Their dad jokes are superb, but sometimes they can get a little too honest. And that honesty is funny, no matter how brutal it is.
Take a gander at some of the bravest husbands to ever tweet.
It Is Tough To Speak With Gummy Bears In Your Mouth
![funny-married-life-tweets-57cd513a12d13__700 funny-married-life-tweets-57cd513a12d13__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-57cd513a12d13__700-67201.jpg?width=700&height=340)
This man has a point. Even if you only have three gummy bears in your mouth, it's still going to be tough to speak.
I hope she didn't get too mad at him.
He's Not Sharing
![funny-husband-tweets-31-574c01c89361a__700 funny-husband-tweets-31-574c01c89361a__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-husband-tweets-31-574c01c89361a__700-15824.jpg?width=700&height=340)
He isn't going to share his crackers, no matter how nicely his wife asks.
After you make the perfect serving size for yourself, everyone else can forget about getting any.
There's Nothing Else?
![funny-husband-tweets-16-574c019cbdb06__700 funny-husband-tweets-16-574c019cbdb06__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-husband-tweets-16-574c019cbdb06__700-75940.jpg?width=700&height=307)
Sure, this might have some truth to it, but I'm sure his wife won't appreciate him omitting all the love.
What about the passionate conversations and deciding which TV show to binge?
This Pun Is Golden
![funny-husband-tweets-28-574c01c1a071f__700 funny-husband-tweets-28-574c01c1a071f__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-husband-tweets-28-574c01c1a071f__700-52402.jpg?b=0&c=0&width=800&height=533&top=0&left=23&zoom=1.43279569892)
You don't get very many puns this good, now do you? I wonder how long it took him to come up with this clever one.
Anything Star Wars is always worthy.
You're Not Already Thinking Of Her?
![funny-husband-tweets-37-574c23d3ce66c__700 funny-husband-tweets-37-574c23d3ce66c__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-husband-tweets-37-574c23d3ce66c__700-97300.jpg?width=700&height=340)
If every man was honest, they probably wouldn't be in a marriage.
If he had told her that he had zombies on his mind and not her, who knows how she would have reacted?
He's Got A Point
![funny-husband-tweets-12-574c0194a9813__700 funny-husband-tweets-12-574c0194a9813__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-husband-tweets-12-574c0194a9813__700-59110.jpg?width=700&height=307)
I wonder if he's ever told his wife this.
He might have a very fair point, but this isn't anything a wife wants to hear from their husband, especially from Twitter.
Does She Know About This, Mr.?
![funny-married-life-tweets-87-57cd8548be418__700 funny-married-life-tweets-87-57cd8548be418__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-87-57cd8548be418__700-22473.jpg?width=700&height=274)
Having someone to tell you if something is good or not does sound like a good perk.
It sounds like a horrible responsibility for the other person, but it still sounds nice for you, I guess.
Sleeping At 9 Is The New Wave
![funny-married-life-tweets-75-57cd72d25be32__700 funny-married-life-tweets-75-57cd72d25be32__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-75-57cd72d25be32__700-24615.jpg?width=700&height=307)
Sleeping at 9 is fun when you're an adult and you've had a long day.
Still, I don't think wives want people to know how boring of a life she leads.
Tough Break For Her...
![funny-married-life-tweets-73-57cd7215967e7__700 funny-married-life-tweets-73-57cd7215967e7__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-73-57cd7215967e7__700-84665.jpg?width=700&height=307)
Whenever you don't share with your wife and then publicize that you didn't, she will remember it.
He might've had to sleep on the couch that night or even worse.
The Blatant Disrespect
![funny-married-life-tweets-96-57ce756040d94__700 funny-married-life-tweets-96-57ce756040d94__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-96-57ce756040d94__700-81972.jpg?width=700&height=307)
He eats like a king (a platter) and she gets "something of lesser value."
Hopefully, she doesn't follow him on Twitter and get wind of this blatant disrespect because that wouldn't be fun.
"Do You Have To Do That Right Now?"
![funny-married-life-tweets-17-57cd3e36f0691__700 funny-married-life-tweets-17-57cd3e36f0691__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-17-57cd3e36f0691__700-35394.jpg?width=700&height=274)
This extends beyond marriage and can go to the boyfriend and girlfriend level.
Having to ask that question is the ultimate sign of annoyance and is a bit disrespectful to certain people.
Now, He Can't Ever Complain
![funny-married-life-tweets-11-57cd3e2c8d3a5__700 funny-married-life-tweets-11-57cd3e2c8d3a5__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-11-57cd3e2c8d3a5__700-63060.jpg?width=700&height=307)
If this man dares to complain again in the future, he can forget about it.
He outed himself with this tweet, and I'm sure his wife caught wind of it.
What Kind Of Sick Game...?
![2020-07-15 18_34_03-On-Screen Keyboard 2020-07-15 18_34_03-On-Screen Keyboard](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2020-07-15-18_34_03-On-Screen-Keyboard-11202.jpg?b=0&c=0&width=800&height=533&top=0&left=0&zoom=1.39542996686)
What kind of sick guessing game is this? I'm sure if she had wagered a million dollars, he still wouldn't have chosen the correct person.
Tell me you can understand his anger.
*Proceeds To Get Thrown Out The Car*
![2020-07-15 18_43_40-Window 2020-07-15 18_43_40-Window](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2020-07-15-18_43_40-Window-41748.jpg?b=0&c=0&width=800&height=533&top=0&left=0&zoom=1.2213740458)
Here is a great example of a husband that keeps it real but plays close to the edge.
You don't offer to drive during a road trip if you aren't serious.
HE HAS PICTURES
![2020-07-15 14_30_28-Window 2020-07-15 14_30_28-Window](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2020-07-15-14_30_28-Window-48344.jpg?width=800&height=871)
His wife had no clue this man was about to ruin her whole plan with this picture.
How vile of a person do you have to be not to clean the jelly off the knife?
There's A 10-Year Warranty On That
![2020-07-15 18_47_11-Window 2020-07-15 18_47_11-Window](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2020-07-15-18_47_11-Window-23326.jpg?b=0&c=0&width=800&height=533&top=43&left=44&zoom=1.41768562821)
That's right, some women don't have an expiration date on the things they resurface from the past.
You can be in the hospital and she'll tell you how you forgot to take the trash out last month.
Aw, Such A Sweet Guy
![2020-07-15 18_50_50-Window 2020-07-15 18_50_50-Window](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2020-07-15-18_50_50-Window-28226.jpg?b=0&c=0&width=800&height=533&top=0&left=0&zoom=1.25786163522)
That's the only reason he tells his wife he loves her?
Not due to the fact that he really loves her and wishes nothing but the best for his lovely wife?
Well, Who's Cat Is It??
![2_yhh 2_yhh](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/2_yhh-37748.jpg?width=800&height=419)
How convenient of her to call it your cat, right? This is one of those things you can't even complain about because that's how marriage works.
The husband has to take the heat most of the time.
She Has To Prove A Point
![funny-married-life-tweets-71-57cd7152bdccb__700 funny-married-life-tweets-71-57cd7152bdccb__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-71-57cd7152bdccb__700-20632.jpg?width=700&height=307)
She wants to prove a point to you, but she doesn't need you explaining to all your followers how cynical she is.
I do wonder how many times he woke her up, though.
He Is Now A Pharaoh
![2020-07-15 19_06_55-Window 2020-07-15 19_06_55-Window](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2020-07-15-19_06_55-Window-70667.jpg?b=0&c=0&width=800&height=533&top=45&left=0&zoom=1.246105919)
Do you see what happens when you play around with the wife?
This man should have accomplished his task a long time ago, but now he is a pharaoh like Ramesses.
He May Never Get Lucky Again
![funny-married-life-tweets-66-57cd6e46c4b27__700 funny-married-life-tweets-66-57cd6e46c4b27__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-66-57cd6e46c4b27__700-36331.jpg?width=700&height=274)
Taunting your wife is the last thing you want to do when it comes to "getting lucky."
Now, she knows how much you want it and will make a fool out of you.
Nice Try, Pal
![funny-married-life-tweets-94-57ce741d2e42c__700 funny-married-life-tweets-94-57ce741d2e42c__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-94-57ce741d2e42c__700-86292.jpg?width=700&height=307)
I'm not sure that's going to cut it here, pal. She's going to be irate with you after you finish saying your last word.
She only asked you to do some simple tasks.
He Probably Isn't Lying
![funny-married-life-tweets-62-57cd6c4cea7a3__700 funny-married-life-tweets-62-57cd6c4cea7a3__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-62-57cd6c4cea7a3__700-62839.jpg?width=700&height=274)
Have you ever had to fight over the blanket at night? It isn't a fun thing to do, especially with someone you love.
I hope he isn't the one hogging the blanket and complaining about it.
He Saw His Life Flash Before His Eyes
![funny-married-life-tweets-81-57cd7e72d472c__700 funny-married-life-tweets-81-57cd7e72d472c__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-81-57cd7e72d472c__700-16806.jpg?b=0&c=0&width=800&height=533&top=0&left=0&zoom=1.21689497717)
The death glare from the wife isn't anything you want to see.
It can make you see your life flash before your eyes and have you reconsider your choices up until that point.
It Was In There
![funny-married-life-tweets-6-57cd3e2555b1c__700 funny-married-life-tweets-6-57cd3e2555b1c__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-6-57cd3e2555b1c__700-89380.jpg?width=700&height=372)
Whether he wants to believe it or not, wiping poop off of his wife's foot was part of their vows.
If she says it is, then it is. He should know better.
And It Will Remain That Way Now
![funny-married-life-tweets-57cd5a7533b40__700 funny-married-life-tweets-57cd5a7533b40__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-57cd5a7533b40__700-94861.jpg?width=700&height=274)
Before getting married, men should deeply consider if this is what they want.
Things change big time and there's no room for complaining. You either play like a champ or regret everything.
Couldn't Help But Laugh At This
![funny-married-life-tweets-57cd616982af5__700 funny-married-life-tweets-57cd616982af5__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-57cd616982af5__700-30928.jpg?width=700&height=340)
This man is still immature, and it shows.
That might be the thing that breaks this marriage apart, so I give him praise for tweeting about this with his future in danger.
Which Is The Best?
![funny-married-life-tweets-16-57cd3e34e96d0__700 funny-married-life-tweets-16-57cd3e34e96d0__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-16-57cd3e34e96d0__700-86076.jpg?width=700&height=405)
Drinking wine and talking politics sounds like a fine night.
Arguing over toilet paper brands is a lost cause because she uses that stuff way more than you do, buddy.
How Is He Still Alive?
![funny-married-life-tweets-79-57cd7a13be813__700 funny-married-life-tweets-79-57cd7a13be813__700](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/funny-married-life-tweets-79-57cd7a13be813__700-90241.jpg?width=700&height=340)
What did this man do to deserve getting the door opened on him at 70 mph?
The sad part is that it might happen again after his wife finds out he told the whole world.
Where Is The Equality?
![spending Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife's is around $643.27. Apparently](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-89449.jpg?width=800&height=533)
I'll spend $50 on a pool floatie that looks cool and has cup holders and she'll roll her eyes.
But apparently it's "no big deal" if she buys $200 shoes.
Between A Rock And A Hard Place
![raccoon wife: Why is your back all scratched up? [flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone]
me: I'm having an affair](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-18776.jpg?width=800&height=533)
What's worse: telling your wife that you betrayed your vows and had an affair, making it nearly impossible for her to trust you again?
Or letting her know you're an idiot who tried to domesticate a trash panda?
Was She Wrong Though?
![childbirth When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-63347.jpg?width=800&height=533)
You could go skydiving, have your parachute and the backup chute also fail, plummet thousands of feet to what you believe is certain death but miraculously survive...
And your wife would still say childbirth was worse.
Congrats On The New Penguin!
![news ME: I have good news & bad news WIFE: Bad news first
M: The penguin pooped in the tub
W: We don't own a-
M: *smiling* And now the good news](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Screen-Shot-2020-08-11-at-3.57.58-PM-29989.jpg?width=800&height=485)
I don't know where or how you could possibly come into possession of a penguin.
But I definitely would do this if I could get my hands on one and I also would end up on the couch for a month.
This Is Kind Of Hilarious
![claps When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell,](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-80970.jpg?width=800&height=533)
When it comes to harmless pranks, this one is pretty hilarious.
Of course, I'm sure the wife is embarrassed and a bunch of concerned people come to see her, but otherwise it's great!
Fido Was Still Watching, SARAH
![airbud wife: You forgot to turn the TV off last night
[flashback to me leaving it on so the dog could finish watching Air Bud]
me: No I didn't](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-1-90501.jpg?width=800&height=533)
First of all, Airbud is an incredible film and it is borderline impossible to turn the television off when the movie is playing.
Second of all, the dog deserves T.V. time too!
Oh, But There Is...
![milk Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-42930.jpg?width=800&height=533)
There's also the wrong brand of milk to buy, the wrong percent of milk to buy, and a wrong way to open the milk.
And lastly, a wrong way to throw out the empty container.
There's Actually A Waitlist For It
![brain Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-81602.jpg?width=800&height=533)
Listen, there's only a limited number of brain cells available at all times and you have to apply in advance to rent a few.
It's so rare that our time aligns with when we want a comeback.
She Always Gets The Last Say
![kittens My wife wanted two kittens but I am the man in this house so we got two kittens](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-88018.jpg?width=800&height=533)
You want a dog? Well, sorry: you now have two kittens instead.
Your wife is the sheriff of the home and you are a mere citizen trying to simply abide by the laws.
Then Again, Sometimes Wives Do It Too
![cocoa Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs.](https://www.tacorelish.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-65669.jpg?width=800&height=533)
As much as men can be idiots and have snappy comebacks at our wives when they try to do something specific or get us to do something, they can bring the fire as well.
Don't forget that.